I talked to Lamar this morning. I talk to Lamar as often as I can, which is inconsistent, but not on my terms. When you genuinely feel like that was the right relationship, you’re supposed to give it all you can. That’s what marriage is about. It’s not, “Let’s see if it works, if not we always have divorce.” I am not one of those girls. You took a vow before God and you’re supposed to abide by that. I’m not rushing into my divorce because I’m not looking to get married tomorrow, so I don’t have a deadline. I’m not rushing it. So when it’s time and it’s supposed to happen, it will.
Lamar is genuinely one of the best people I’ve ever met, and everyone says that when they meet him. I think Lamar’s gonna always be that person [for me] but that’s what made it so special. Even if I had it for five years or whatever, it was the best ever and I’m grateful I did. Some people don’t get that ever and I had that magic for a long time.
Do you miss it now?
Oh my god, I miss him every day. I miss what we had—things we got to do together are just memories. I like looking back and holding on to that stuff. I definitely miss it, and there’s times I’ll get so sentimental and so sad, but this had to happen for some reason. I’ll figure it out over time, someone will give me that answer eventually. I think it would be very fucking weird if I didn’t miss it.
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